Thursday, December 27, 2012

Bad Naughty Gays! The Gay Agenda! 2012! (A Rant of Sorts)



Hello, and welcome to my last post of 2012.

It's been an interesting year, filled with things that made me smile, and other things that had me horrified, saddened and depressed, by turns.

Marriage Equality was voted on and approved in several states. Stories about celebrities coming out and being greeted with simple shrugs as people accepted their orientations and moved on. A Presidential election that went the way I'd hoped it would. Same-sex weddings in general, and also for several of our active military members, some held on military bases. Compared to previous years, it seems that numerous strides were taken in 2012 -- a trend I hope will continue.

On the other side of the coin… school shootings, the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut being the most horrific example. Outdated and disturbing rhetoric from certain religious organizations that seemed to be deliberately divisive and more geared toward encouraging exclusionism and hate than any so-called 'word of God' groups should ever be. Superstorm Sandy, that caused so much damage and left so many, many people homeless, injured, or dead. This last isn't something that people could have stopped from happening, of course, but I think you get my drift.

Worse than the bad things -- school shootings, storms, loss of lives -- is the very worst thing, which to me is that the same quasi-religious organizations I referenced in the previous paragraph seem to have had a conference call and decided that the only way to make sense of the senseless tragedies and acts of nature we've all been subjected to or horrified by, is to blame… you guessed it. THE GAYS!

See, it's all the fault of The Gays for having an agenda, and it's the fault of everyone else who hasn't risen up like the angry, torch-bearing, dimwitted townsfolk from a bad horror movie to round up said Gays and… what? Kill them? Burn them at the stake? Force them into conversion programs so they'll be so traumatized and cowed that they'll decide to bury the Gay, marry people of the opposite sex, and start making loads of babies? Or gather them up and throw them into some sort of confinement, maybe. Kind of an 'Escape from New York' situation, but with much better restaurants, bars, boutiques and landscaping (also manscaping, but that's a whole different subject… kind of).

As I joked on Twitter the other day, I'm just waiting for the political and religious wackos to suddenly decide that there IS such a thing as Global Warming, and it's happening because those damned Gays are so extra-flamey! Someone would likely do a study (in their bathroom while straining to produce something of equal value) showing that global warming started at exactly the moment the first ever Gay Pride Parade started trundling down the street. This 'study' would then be disseminated  all over the Intarwebz and be cited as factual evidence that the bad-naughty-bad Gays are trying to destroy not just civilization, but the WORLD (cue bwahahaha laughter and pianoforte music -- because, y'know… Gays, and what's gayer than the pianoforte, right? :P)!

Maybe that's part of the infamous 'Gay Agenda' too, though. Global warming, I mean. After all, what do The Gays like more than a nice tropical environment that encourages other Gays (and straights, too, because as the crazies will tell you, there's nothing the Gays like more than seducing the straights into becoming Gay) to run around at least half naked all the time. So Global Warming is really just a concerted effort by The Gays as a whole to change the climate of the entire Earth, just so there can be more half-nekkid revelry that will result in broadening the horizons (or whatevers) of straights. Yep.

And according to these same nutty folks, God decided to make some mentally ill people go kill a bunch of kids because he's mad at the world for not smiting The Gays. (Never mind the fact that if God -- assuming for the sake of argument that such a being actually exists -- really wanted to smite The Gays or anyone else, it seems far more reasonable that he, she or it would just DO IT instead of farming the jobs out to crazy people. I mean, I'm not to my own knowledge a God, but when I have something that needs doing and have a choice between doing it myself or getting someone else to do it, especially when that someone else is just as likely to be distracted by pulling the wings off of flies, or strangling kittens, or watching a Kirk Cameron movie? I do that shit myself. Just sayin'.)

Superstorm Sandy was ALSO retribution by God, it seems. And it hit NYC especially hard because not only did New York State approve gay marriage, but Mayor Bloomberg of NYC donated $250,000.00 to Marylanders for Marriage Equality (full disclosure, I canvassed for M4ME, but I don't live in NY so I don't think Sandy was my fault). Apparently, this was offensive to God and required punishing an assload of people who DIDN'T contribute to the marriage equality efforts in Maryland, and bitch-slapping those who voted against marriage equality in New York State, as well. (I still don't understand this reasoning, so if anyone can explain it to me, that would be super.)

Of course, this blame-game is also part of the Gay Agenda, because The Gays are clearly trying to play the martyrs. How DARE they refuse to accept responsibility for Sandy? How DARE they deny their obvious part in manipulating weather patterns by thumbing their noses at God? Clearly it's all just a big cog in the propaganda machine, meant to have the 'undecided' people of the United States sympathizing with the poor, abused Gays, right?

Another thing I saw this year -- and I don't have the link to the article, unfortunately, but I swear it exists -- was a report by some woman who pretty much said that The Gays shouldn't ever be afforded Federal recognition of marriages because The Gays already have median incomes that are, on average, between ten and twenty thousand dollars per year higher than the incomes of straight people within the same demographic. It would be unfair, it seems, for The Gays who were married to receive the same Federal advantages and benefits as straight married people because The Gays already make more money. (Let's take a moment to appreciate the WTFery of that. Now let's take another moment. And another. Does it make sense yet? *ponders* No… still having a huge WTF sensation.) So there's another part of the Gay Agenda: Defrauding the government because they already make more than straight folk. Those dastardly Gays, wanting to have the same rights and benefits in addition to having the same responsibilities under the law. Selfish and horrible GAYS! Boo-hiss!

My all-time favorite objection to 'gay marriage,' of course, is the assertion that it in some way invalidates or ruins every single heterosexual marriage in recorded history. That two people falling in love and wanting to be joined under the law is somehow less valid or respectful of love, commitment, and the pursuit of happiness as a family… when those two people happen to be of the same gender. I've asked many, many opponents and objectors to explain their reasoning to me, and have yet to receive any sort of rational answer. ("Because God said so" isn't reasonable or rational, as far as I'm concerned. Unless someone has God's number on their speed-dial and rings the guy-girl-whatever up and God itself replies on speaker, I don't buy into anyone knowing God's thoughts on the matter. And don't cite the Bible at me, either, because everyone's all "Rah-rah, King James!" these days. See, apparently God changed his mind about the Old Testament. If he could change it once, he could have changed it again and just forgotten to let the stupid humans know. Or the humans, being stupid, were too busy persecuting other humans to pay adequate attention.)
My second-fave assertion is that 'allowing' Gays the basic human right of being able to marry their partner of choice means that public schools will have to start teaching kids how to BE Gay. Because apparently just the act of admitting to kids that there are people in the world who are attracted to people of their own gender, both sexually and romantically? Somehow translates to forcing those same kids to become Gay. (Do I even have to explain why this is ridiculous? No, I didn't think so.)

Another part of the Gay Agenda, or possibly the same part I mentioned earlier, is to object to it being legal in more than 25 states to terminate employment and deny housing to someone based solely upon their sexual orientation. It's that 'sympathy for the poor, mistreated Gays' thing again. Obviously. They're doing it on purpose. CHOOSING to do it, just like they CHOOSE to be gay. (Because I can't imagine anything better than waking up one morning and thinking "Y'know, it would be super-fun to paint a giant target on my back and be bullied and treated like shit by everyone, even my own family. And how awesome would it be to have complete strangers make fun of me and judge me and call me a whore just because I don't choose to live like a monk? I think I TOTALLY want to find out! Yay! Bring on the hate!" And that brings me to the next touchstone in my… okay, it's a rant. I'm ranting.)

Speaking of the perception by so many political and religious groups that The Gays are overly promiscuous and it's all about the sex for them… I submit that sexual promiscuity isn't a Gay thing. It's a guy thing. (And increasingly a girl thing, as societal constructs claiming that any female who has sex without being in a committed, monogamous relationship is a slut have begun to break down and women, young and old, have started to embrace their right to enjoy sex. AND their right to have that sex not always be with the same person.) This is, of course, solely my own opinion, and you're welcome to think, and even say, that I'm completely full of shit. My position is…

Men like sex. Hell, men LOVE sex. Pretty much any kind of sex. If a guy can't get fully penetrative, well, a friendly mouth or hand on his man-parts will get the job done. If there aren't any friends around, his own hand will do. This is true of straight men, too. It's not just The Gays. (It's also true of women, whatever their orientation, but again we run into that societal bias against female sexuality, and that's a whole other rant for another time.)

The difference is, when straight guys run around trying to bang every female in sight, that's just "boys being boys" and there's a certain expectation that they won't succeed much of the time (see above commentary on girls who have sex being seen as sluts, meaning not every girl will say yes, and especially not if someone is sweaty, gross, and rude, which sadly includes many straight guys on the make). The Gays, at least the male Gays, don't have that skewed idea of sex equaling something bad that so many females were raised with, and as the male desire to fuck IS socially acceptable, when two guys who are similarly inclined approach each other and express interest, the chances are that they'll end up doing whatever it is that they want to do together. That might be sex. It might be going to lunch the next day, or anything in between. JUST LIKE WHEN A STRAIGHT GUY AND A STRAIGHT GIRL CONNECT. Is there more likely to be sex between The Gays? Maybe. I'd say it depends on The Gays in question.

For some groups, this equals "The Gays are promiscuous and spread disease!" For me, this equals "Lucky fucking Gays!" (I may even want to watch them GETTING lucky, but that might be awkward so I keep that part to myself.)  And for the record, The Gays are no more likely to contract STDs, STIs, or HIV than heterosexuals, as long as safe sex practices are followed. Just sayin'. Or maybe that's the Gay Agenda speaking through me. See, I'm not gay myself, but it's possible that I'm a Gay Collaborator, wanting to push the Gay onto every hetero person in the world (not likely, really, because I've tried the girl-on-girl thing and it wasn't for me, but who knows? Maybe I've been infected with some unknown Gay-pathy -- aka 'empathy with the Gays').

Y'know, I'm not entirely sure I believe in this Gay Agenda, now that I'm thinking about it. I mean, I remember when I lived in New Orleans, there was a group of us -- I think it was 12, in total -- four of us were straight; the rest were gay and lesbian. We were all going to a party during Mardi Gras. It took over a WEEK for us to agree on a theme and color scheme for our outfits, and that was just a dozen people! Now consider the millions of Gays who would need to be involved for there to be a national Gay Agenda. It would literally take centuries to get that group organized… and they'd need to have a Seer in order to make plans. And let's face it…

If The Gays have people who can see the future, all the gay-haters and obstructionists are already screwed.

On the other hand, several states do have marriage equality now, acceptance is far more prevalent than it's ever been before, and there's hope on the horizon for Federal recognition of same-gender marriages, so… I guess I can't bitch too much (too much MORE). Haha!

Sorry for ranting, but it feels good to get it off my chest! J

6 comments:

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    1. Thanks, hon'. :) Happy Christmas, a bit late!

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  2. This deserves a standing ovation...yes I'm actually standing clapping right now! Very well put, T.C.!

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    1. Eeeek! You have officially made me blush! *blushes more*

      Glad you enjoyed my venting. LOL

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  3. Seriously brilliant! Although extra-flamey causing global warming did make me lol.

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    1. I'm amazed none of the nutballs have come up with that reasoning yet. Fortunately, I doubt they'd be cruising this blog, so I'm not overly concerned about putting thoughts in their heads. (Those thoughts would likely die of loneliness within minutes, but still!)

      It IS kinda funny, though, if I do say so myself! Hahaha!

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