How do I help my partner loosen up and relax while we *wink* *wink* are in the
bedroom? He is a vanilla and I am more of a swirl of vanilla and sumptin
sumptin. When he starts to let go he freezes up. It feels like he takes a step
forward and than takes 3 steps back. I am also wanting my husband to learn to
be more of a DOM in the bedroom. How? I know baby steps but I have been baby
stepping for about 3 years now.
In order to answer this question, I have to ask you one, have you talked to your husband about what you want? It seems you have. But has he agreed to take this journey with you? I know you want something more than vanilla in the bedroom, but I have to ask if that's what he wants. It doesn't sound like it to me. Like with everything in life, we all have a comfort zone and some of us don't like to step outside of them. This can be especially true in the bedroom.
A true D/s relationship, or any kind of relationship for that matter, requires two willing partners that are both committed to one another and who care for one another. Both partners need to be on the same page and understand each other. This seems to be missing here. It sounds as though the two of you are on different pages and its very possible that he isn't willing to go on the journey you are asking him to take. I know I may be telling you something you don't want to hear, but its very possible he will not be able to give you what you want.
What turns on one individual doesn't necessarily work for another. While I understand that you want things more adventurous, he doesn't seem too, and my advice for you is to talk to him. Be as plain and understanding as you can in telling him what you want. However, you must be prepared for him to explain that he can't do that. I wish I had a little trick or some piece of information that would turn your husband into exactly what you want, but I don't. If I did, I could bottle it and make a fortune or at least write a book about it. I do believe that most things, in and out of the bedroom, can be solved, or at least made better, through communication.
I truly hope I've been helpful
Hugs and love
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