Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Introductions and Smut Rules


First, I want to say hi and let y’all know that we’re so incredibly pleased to have been asked to play here at Cafe Risque. Sean, Julia and I talked about what we’d like to do and we thought, what a good excuse to chat for a bit every week like we used to do, 15 years ago? (OMG, has it been that long?) I can’t guarantee good spelling, proper language or anything but 3 old friends shooting the breeze.

So, today we have Introductions and Smut Rules

[17:27:42] <@BA> *waves*
[17:27:49] <juliaT> hey, you two
[17:27:51] <@BA> Hail, hail, the gang's all heeeeere!
[17:27:59] <juliaT> just like old times, huh?
[17:28:04] <juliaT> like, really old times
[17:28:16] <@BA> Yeah, yeah. Fuck you. ;-)
[17:28:44] <juliaT> <grins and pokes sean> say something so everyone knows you're real
[17:29:11] <Sean> LOL
[17:29:14] <Sean> I'm real
[17:29:25] <Sean> sorry, I was looking at pictures of abs
[17:29:27] <Sean> and drooling
[17:29:34] <@BA> So, we should all be good and introduce ourselves.
[17:29:37] <juliaT> snort. nothing new there
[17:30:02] <Sean> *grins unrepentantly*
[17:30:11] <@BA> You lie, you were looking at that amazing little slide from belly to hip
[17:30:24] <juliaT> Mmm. That's the good stuff
[17:30:30] <Sean> well that's why the abs are so great
[17:30:37] <Sean> they lead to that
[17:30:56] <juliaT> Yep.
[17:31:06] <juliaT> Okay, so I'm Julia Talbot
[17:31:26] <juliaT> I write paranormal and contemp and historical m/m, mmf, m/f and f/f
[17:31:31] <juliaT> all the things!
[17:31:39] <@BA> WRITE ALL THE THINGS!
[17:31:58] <@BA> *ahem*
[17:32:07] <juliaT> yes!
[17:32:09] <Sean> LOL
[17:32:16] <Sean> I'm Sean Michael
[17:32:21] <Sean> I write all the boys
[17:32:31] <Sean> the sweet ones, the raunchy ones
[17:32:35] <Sean> the kinky ones
[17:32:41] <Sean> mostly the kinky ones
[17:32:58] <juliaT> "cracks whip"
[17:33:56] <@BA> I'm BA Tortuga. I'm Sean's best friend, Julia's wife and I'm told I suffer from an excess of personality.
[17:34:06] <@BA> Also, I write lots of people fucking.
[17:34:14] <Sean> mmmm fucking
[17:34:42] <juliaT> yum. that gets right to the core of it, huh?
[17:35:03] <Sean> nods
[17:35:06] <Sean> I love smut
[17:35:10] <Sean> smut rules
[17:35:19] <@BA> Ooooh... that's a good topic.
[17:35:24] <@BA> Smut Rules.
[17:35:46] <@BA> 1. no weird euphemisms
[17:35:57] <@BA> no willie the one eyed wonder worm
[17:36:04] <@BA> no man pole
[17:36:05] <Sean> damn, I'll have to put that one away
[17:36:19] <@BA> no helmeted dripping soldier of lurve
[17:36:53] <Sean> such a spoilsport
[17:37:34] <Sean> ;)
[17:37:37] <juliaT> no purple-helmeted soldier of love?
[17:37:48] <@BA> nope
[17:38:00] <@BA> okay, rule 2?
[17:39:06] <juliaT> uh, no situations where reality intrudes? Head bumpng, farting?
[17:39:47] <@BA> I can see it -- I mean, we've all written that, though...
[17:40:24] <@BA> How about love what you do?
[17:40:32] <@BA> I think that's important
[17:40:34] <Sean> that works
[17:40:35] <Sean> nods
[17:41:47] <@BA> so what about the zipless fuck? the sex without relationship?
[17:41:50] <@BA> Yes or no?
[17:42:10] <Sean> it's not for me
[17:42:13] <juliaT> I like it. I mean, if you're an erotic romance writer who puts in "insert sex scene here" when writing, it shows
[17:42:32] <juliaT> no zipless for me
[17:42:44] <juliaT> I like a lot of smut but it has to mean something
[17:42:58] <Sean> nods
[17:43:07] <@BA> no, me either. So, does that make us total fuddy-duddies?
[17:43:13] <juliaT> maybe
[17:43:22] <@BA> And who the hell came up with fuddy-duddy?
[17:43:27] <juliaT> I think it makes us romance writers more than erotica ;)
[17:43:35] <@BA> It's way more fun to say than to type.
[17:43:58] <juliaT> heee
[17:44:01] <Sean> LOL
[17:44:05] <juliaT> yeah kinda like kumquat
[17:44:30] <juliaT> rule -- what are we on?
[17:44:33] <juliaT> four>
[17:44:33] <juliaT> ?
[17:44:34] <@BA> 4?
[17:44:40] <Sean> 3?
[17:44:42] <@BA> we'll go with four
[17:44:48] <Sean> outvoted
[17:44:53] <@BA> I'm too damned lazy to scroll up
[17:45:37] <juliaT> me, too. Uh, how about adhering to most people's hard limits
[17:46:41] <@BA> That's more a publish rule than a smut rule, isn't it? I mean, I have shit I won't write -- hell, Sean's the one voted most likely to write puppy play -- but that's just personal
[17:47:27] <Sean> hey I like puppy play, it's fun and different
[17:47:31] <juliaT> I don't mind puppy play but I'm unlikely to write it
[17:47:59] <@BA> I wasn't judging (much), I was using you as an example.
[17:48:05] <Sean> LOL
[17:48:09] <@BA> Like Julia's twincest obsession
[17:48:43] <juliaT> O.O
[17:48:51] <juliaT> me? dude, you let my secret out
[17:49:07] <juliaT> I rarely write it anymore because that's a publishy rule, too
[17:49:12] <@BA> In what universe is that a secret?
[17:49:14] <@BA> nods
[17:49:51] <juliaT> :p
[17:50:01] <Sean> LOL
[17:50:56] <@BA> Man, we're (me and J) are watching a movie and this dude's head just fell off.
[17:51:15] <Sean> was lopped off or fell off?
[17:51:19] <@BA> both
[17:51:20] <Sean> because there's a difference
[17:51:31] <@BA> it had been cut at some point
[17:51:41] <@BA> and then, when they tugged on him
[17:51:43] <@BA> BOOM
[17:51:49] <@BA> tendons and sinew
[17:51:51] <Sean> what horrorshow are you watching?
[17:52:14] <@BA> It's called Mindtrap
[17:52:18] <@BA> it's a thriller
[17:52:50] <@BA> totally ridiculous, but a great cast, inventive deaths
[17:52:59] <Sean> any hot men?
[17:53:03] <@BA> Johnny Lee Miller as a southerner
[17:53:10] <@BA> LL Cool J
[17:53:11] <Sean> oh, that's awesome
[17:53:25] <@BA> Christian Slater, if he's your type
[17:53:27] <Sean> Cool
[17:53:30] <juliaT> LL Cool J is the best part
[17:53:38] <@BA> Val Kilmer before he got super puffy
[17:53:38] <Sean> I like Christian Slater
[17:53:55] <@BA> and the hot chick from the Mummy
[17:54:11] <Sean> I was originally going to say it didn't sound like my cup of tea but the eye candy alone would make me happy
[17:54:57] <@BA> *grins*
[17:54:57] <Sean> on the whole, I don't ask a lot from my movies
[17:55:10] <Sean> I'm firmly in the shallow end here
[17:55:14] <@BA> no, you're not the psychotically picky one
[17:55:15] <juliaT> I know, right? That's why I can still watch Hunt for Red October
[17:55:25] <juliaT> which dates me, I'm sure
[17:55:48] <@BA> heeeeee
[17:55:59] <@BA> Aren't any of us babies ;-)
[17:57:23] <@BA> *listens to the crickets*
[17:57:50] <juliaT> Snort. Sean is OLD
[17:57:55] <Sean> shut up
[17:58:00] <@BA> *nods happily*
[17:58:10] <@BA> Way older than me.
[17:58:28] <Sean> shut up
[17:58:36] <juliaT> pokes sean with the old stick
[17:58:48] <Sean> beats you with my cane
[17:58:57] <@BA> *snorts*
[17:59:05] <Sean> Rule #5
[17:59:59] <Sean> um....
[18:00:04] <Sean> I never was good at rules
[18:00:18] <@BA> That's my line.
[18:00:35] <Sean> I'm stealing it because I can't come up with a #5right now
[18:00:43] <@BA> LOL
[18:01:12] <@BA> I bet there's a shitload of rules online. I vaguely remember from when I started
[18:01:21] <juliaT> lol yeah, well
[18:01:34] <@BA> that someone told me every sex scene had to had two separate orgasms
[18:01:38] <juliaT> when we started someone big was suggesting using epithets to describe characters
[18:01:43] <@BA> from one person
[18:02:11] <juliaT> O.o
[18:02:14] <Sean> oh, I've got a #5 then
[18:02:19] <Sean> sex is organic
[18:02:21] <juliaT> cool!
[18:02:30] BA giggles madly
[18:02:43] <@BA> Sex: All Organic and All Natural
[18:02:49] <Sean> LOL
[18:02:51] <Sean> damn right
[18:02:52] <@BA> No Preservatives!
[18:03:21] <juliaT> though try to write a scene without lube, even if they're supernaturals
[18:03:22] <@BA> No Artificial Ingred... Wait. Dildos are made of...
[18:03:23] <juliaT> O.O
[18:03:23] <Sean> well, that depends on what was eaten before hand
[18:03:30] <@BA> Goo.
[18:03:48] <@BA> They're totally made of squishy goo
[18:03:57] <@BA> except for the metal ones
[18:04:12] <@BA> and then there's the glass ones
[18:04:15] <@BA> dude
[18:04:20] <@BA> those are scary
[18:04:39] <juliaT> glass dildoes?
[18:04:40] <juliaT> wait, does the plural have an E
 [18:04:55] <juliaT> or not?
[18:04:58] <Sean> I can never remember
[18:05:01] <Sean> so I sprinkle both in
[18:05:02] <@BA> dildos
[18:05:07] <@BA> dildoes
[18:05:27] <@BA> dildi
[18:05:28] <@BA> ?
[18:05:32] <juliaT> no
[18:05:36] <juliaT> dildii
[18:05:38] <@BA> dildum?
[18:05:46] <Sean> plugs
[18:05:55] <@BA> oh, I like it~
[18:06:22] <juliaT> me, too
[18:06:38] <@BA> heeee!
[18:06:46] <juliaT> so, is this where we all say what our newest release is?
[18:06:59] <@BA> Sonny says, "enough with this chatting shit, it's time to feed the dogs"
[18:07:14] <@BA> He KNOWS 6 o'clock.
[18:07:19] <Sean> LOL
[18:07:55] <@BA> Okay, so, me! I have a collection of shorts coming out on Wednesday from Torquere Press
[18:08:18] <@BA> and an angst-fest novel called Say Something that's releasing September 29 from Dreamspinner.
[18:08:41] <Sean> my latest came out last Wednesday -- Underground: Special Teams featuring cops Hunter and Keifer
[18:08:55] <Sean> BDSM
[18:08:59] <@BA> (eeeee! kinky boys of sparkly joy)
[18:09:06] <Sean> nods -- they are
[18:09:12] <Sean> I'm so excited about them
[18:10:42] <juliaT> I had one come out Wednesday as well. a MMF menage called Georgia Knights at Torquere
[18:10:50] <juliaT> hotness and mystery
[18:11:09] <@BA> nods -- I do love a good menage. :D
[18:11:34] <@BA> Okay, y'all. I'm fixin to feed the beasts. Say goodbye and we'll play again next week!
[18:11:41] <@BA> *smooches* Much love!
[18:11:49] <juliaT> waves at all. Night
[18:11:52] <Sean> night all

If y’all have a topic you’d like us to chat on, please let us know. We’re totally up for that. You can find us on Twitter at @seanmichael09, @juliatalbot and @batortuga. 

Sean’s website is http://www.seanmichaelwrites.com 

Facebook accounts:

Much love, y’all!

BA

3 comments:

  1. Loved this ... from 3 of my favorite authors! Keep up the rule making! Too funny... lost in the Book of Smut Rules! My phone is throwing an auto correct fit over SMUT! Such a Puritanical phone! As if auto correct would auto correct me! Love all 3 of you ... money's in your jars ... so keep writing ... I'll keep spending in Alaska

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  2. OMG love this, my coworkers are cracking up and taking notes!

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  3. LOL. Thanks so much, y'all, We love to get together and cabbage head

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