Saturday, July 14, 2012

Eric Arvin - Guest Author

Today we get to hear from Eric Arvin about his fun Jasper Lane series, which has been called a gay Desperate Housewives. If you haven’t checked it out yet, now is a great time because until midnight July 15th, if you order SuburbaNights (Book 3) from Dreamspinner Press, you’ll get SubSurdity (Book 1) for free, and Suburbilicious (Book 2) for 25% off. And if you want a little preview, check out the sizzling excerpt below.

We asked Eric what inspired him to write this series, and here’s what he said:

I wrote the first book on a dare. A writer friend of mine was a huge Desperate Housewives fan when the series first premiered, but I wasn't sold on the show. I declared that I could write for the program just as well as any of the writers who were working on it. Me and my big mouth. My friend challenged me to prove myself and so, I did. Or at least I tried. My dream neighborhood stars bitter queens and drag queens, porn stars and house moms, murder and sex, and hot gay men. I hadn't even intended on publishing the book until I received encouragement from friends and readers.

Here are some reviews of this series:

“You’ll never look at suburbia in the same way again…like a raunchier and racier Tales of the City, crossed with Augusten Burroughs’ first novel Sellevision with a good dose of Desperate Housewives thrown in… it’s full of life and laughs… Arvin handles the action like a maestro, his prose is fun and light, a complete pleasure to read, and it seems like only a matter of time until SubSurdity makes it to a screen near you.”—Charlotte Cooper, Gaydarnation

 “Anyone wise enough to purchase [SubSurdity] will most certainly enjoy the ride!”—J.L. Foster, author of Straight

“The perfect summer read—it’s light, it’s fun, and it will keep you reading. In fact, I have not had this much fun in a long time… this book should be at the top of your must-read list.” —Amos Lassen, Literary Pride

“Like Knots Landing crossing Tales of the City, this book is a winner in that it puts a humorous spin on the stories of its characters and the bubbly adventures in their lives. The Rest is Illusion was a wonderfully auspicious debut… and SubSurdity gives us a peek at why [Arvin is] here for the long haul.” —Carey Parrish,

“Written with a crisp humorous dialogue that will at times make you laugh out loud you can easily get lost in the antics of these wacky neighbors.” —Nick Strathern, TLA Books

And now, the ADULT excerpt:

“EXCUSE me,” said the burly man as he stood in the open garage doorway. He was dressed in a brown delivery uniform that threatened to cut off circulation to his thick arms and legs. His face had a nicely trimmed dark beard, and he wore a brown hat.

Cliff had been moving boxes in the garage. He was dressed in a tank top and tiny useless blue jean shorts. He realized this was not the weather for such attire (his nipples were deadly from the chill), but the shorts just made him feel so damn sexy. His ass ate them up.

“Can I help you?” Cliff said. “A bit late to be making deliveries, isn’t it?” He looked the bearded man up and down. It was a familiar game. They were muscle men sizing each other up.

“I’m new,” the man said. “I got lost a while back. I was wondering if you might be able to help me.”

Cliff had seen this film before. He had been in this film before. And he loved it. “Sure. I can help.” He didn’t smile. He knew to keep it impersonal.

Cliff reached into the glove department of David’s car and pulled out a road map. He walked to the tool table slowly, letting his mass do the talking, and spread the map over the table as he bent over and spread his legs. He looked over his shoulder and gave the deliveryman admittance.

“What’s your name?” Cliff asked.

The deliveryman approached and stood just behind him. “Rock.”

“Of course it is.”

Cliff arched his ass slightly so that it was just past irresistible.

“Listen, man,” said Rock, “I’m straight. I just want directions.”

“Do you?” Cliff asked, loosening the jean cut-offs and letting them fall to the floor. Rock began breathing harder, looking angry.

Cliff backed his ass into the bulge in Rock’s pants, then moved his prized possession up and down the deliveryman’s package.

“I want that,” Cliff said. “I want that in me.”

“I told you,” said Rock, “I’m straight.”

“That’s not what your cock is saying. Shove it inside me, bitch.”

That tipped it. It made the deliveryman furious. In a frenzy, he began unbuttoning his pants. “You want this?” he said as his cock fell out and hit Cliff’s ass with a smack. “Fine. I’ll give it to you, you filthy whore. I’m gonna tear your goddamn ass apart.”

Rock grabbed Cliff’s shoulders with one hand and played around with Cliff’s hole with the other, pretending more than once as if he was going to relentlessly drive his dick inside, head to balls, only to let it slide between Cliff’s cheeks. Once he went as far as to get the tip of the head in the hole before ducking out. The teasing was driving Cliff crazy.

“Fuck me,” Cliff said. “Just fuck me!”

Finally, Rock pried Cliff open and slowly sank inside him. Cliff’s knees buckled from the force. He let out a cry as Rock—a straight man, no less—pounded his man-pussy like he was a pro in the League of Man-Pussy Pounders. If Rock had a porn name, it would have been Jack Hammer. Cliff could hardly see straight.

“Take it!” Rock said. “Take it all! Your hot man ass will never again tempt an innocent straight man.”

“Yeah. Teach me a lesson!”

“I’m taking one for the team!”

“Me too!”

Rock grabbed the two globes of Cliff’s ass and pulled them apart. He stuck his thumbs into the edges of Cliff’s hole so he could get his dick farther in, and he rutted like a beast, roaring and drooling as he went.

“What the hell is going on in here?”

There was a pause in the fucking. Everything was still. David stood at the garage door.

“Honey,” Cliff said, breathless and sweaty and unable to move from being so heavily penetrated, “I can explain.”

“I don’t want to hear it!” David yelled. He reached over and shut the garage door. “But I am going to teach you a lesson.”

He walked toward Cliff and Rock, undoing his own pants.

“Honey, no!” cried Cliff. “Not the… doublefuck! I’ll never survive!”

“Shut up, bitch!” David said.

He crawled atop the table so that he straddled Cliff. His own ass was a well-toned piece of art.

“Make room for me, deliveryman,” he said. “I’m coming in! Stretch him out.”

“My poor beautiful ass!” Cliff yelled as he was pounded by both men, his asshole being stretched beyond all recognition. Oh, the humanity!

The garage was nearly shaken to the ground by all the commotion happening inside of it. The hollering and savage cursing, the cries of mercy and of more! were punctuated at last by a great caterwaul that caused neighbors to look out their windows and lock their doors. Afterward, Cliff, David, and the deliveryman lay in a heap on the garage floor. There would be quite a clean-up.

Cliff wrapped his arms around David. “Thank you, baby,” he said.

“Happy anniversary,” said David, and he gave Cliff a kiss.

Just then came an obtrusive knock. David rose, pulled on his pants, and hit the button to the garage door. A man dressed in similar fashion as Rock but without the beard stood with a lascivious grin.

“I seem to have lost my way,” this new deliveryman said.

David looked at Cliff, who was grinning.

“You got me one too?” David said. “Aw, baby! You shouldn’t have.”

“Happy anniversary,” Cliff said. “Now, the two of you get in here. Let’s have some fun.”

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