Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Retro Ads - Wrap Up a Bit of Creepy This Holiday Season! by Kiernan Kelly

We've been inundated since Labor Day with ads for holiday gifts, everything from toys to holiday music CDs. It seems like the holiday season starts earlier and earlier every year. By the time the holidays roll around, I'm actually sick to death of tinsel and holly, and if I hear "Santa Baby" one more time, my head may actually explode.

So, as a bit of a break from the mad rush of the holiday season, I bring you a glimpse of the fabulous ads of Christmas past. It never fails to amaze me how companies managed to actually stay in business years ago with ads like these.

What should we get the kids for Christmas, hon? Oh, I know...deadly weapons. Perfect!

Oh, I do love coffee with just a hint of spousal abuse!

 Oh, my gosh! Really, you shouldn't have. No, I mean it. You shouldn't have. You might as well fill my stocking with a great big, heaping helping of lung cancer.

 Oh, yes! It's the perfect size for stashing the body.
 Why do I get the feeling Santa is about to boost that car?

I always suspected Santa was a bit of  a perv.
 Is there anyone who doubts that log is a substitute for wood of a different kind?
 I don't even know what to say about this except, dude, get some help, okay?
 Grown men in their underwear and slippers playing with trains. 'Nuff said.

Ooh...creepy flying, fuzzy, flaming balls. Yum.
 Because nothing says "Christmas" like a small child playing with a loaded weapon.

 Oh, honey, just what I always wanted! Melanoma, wrapped up in a pretty bow!

 Just what every wife wants for the holiday...more work.
 Giving a fucking scale for Christmas is a sure fire way to start the New Year off with a divorce.
Because who doesn't want to find a decapitated head under their tree?
Okay, not technically a holiday ad, but I had to include it. I just HAD to.

Well, gosh, I don't know which to pick! A toaster? A can opener? A mixer? Santa, I want them all!

Only if "Hoover" is the name of a six-foot male exotic dancer.

Nope, not creepy at all.


  1. Holy crap, these are great! Do you mind if I link back to this post on my "Weekly WTF" blog entry next week?

  2. I don't mind at all. Feel free, Jordan!

  3. LOL!!! Absolutely fabulous, Kiernan!!!