Thursday, January 3, 2013

It's That Time of Year! (T.C. Blue cops to laziness)

Welcome, good readers, to my first post of 2013. :)

The new year has gotten off to a rocky start for me, what with family drama, might-as-well-be-family drama, and a few non-family-related dramatics, but that's not what I'm going to talk about here. In fact, I'm going to say a little something about New Year's Resolutions -- specifically my own past promises to myself.

See, I always manage to swear up and down -- silently, of course -- that I'm going to do this or that and end the new year better for the things I've accomplished. One year, I was going to learn Japanese (I can say hello, but that's about it). Another year, I was going to take up painting (this didn't happen since I have about as much artistic talent with brushes and canvas as an armadillo has fur). I've wanted to learn to play an instrument, skydive, quit smoking, lose weight, get another motorcycle (I miss my bike like you wouldn't believe). I've promised myself I'd give up red meat (*snort* as if!), take some classes at my local college, read the Fellowship of the Rings books again (as an adult this time, rather than as a 12 year old).

I've told myself that I was going to do all sorts of things over the years and haven't really accomplished any of them, and I don't even have good reasons. What it somes down to is... I'm lazy, I suppose.

Oh, I write. I write a lot. That's an accomplishment of sorts, in and of itself. But that's not something I have to force myself to do. It's not something I have to make time for or travel great distances to manage. It doesn't require an excessively large portion of my tiny-ass apartment, either, so that's good. Haha.

I also do a bit of glam-goth crafting, which is fun, but again... unlike learning a new skill, I actually enjoy it.

See, I've come to realize something about myself in the last few years, and while it's not a particularly admirable trait, I've finally learned to embrace it. The truth -- my truth -- is that while I like knowing how to do things, I don't much care for the LEARNING portion of the process. I generally feel awkward and stupid until I've been at something new for a while. (This is exactly why I'm so glad I started writing in the fan fic arena. Unlike, let's say karate - which I actually did study for a few years - when you start writing fan fic, people within the fandom are super supportive. Also, they're not in the same room with you, so you can't see the nose-wrinkling looks of WTF they might be wearing.)

I hate feeling awkward and stupid so much that I'm much more likely to quit something just a few tries in, because I'm not getting good at it fast enough for my liking.

Yes, I'm just as impatient and critical with myself as I can be with other people, if not moreso. And if I have to actually leave my place and drive somewhere and THEN feel incompetent? Forget about it. Hahaha.

So knowing this about myself, I made a conscious decision to lowball the New Year's Resolution for 2013. This year, I resolve to live my life in a way that doesn't leave me any worse off when 2014 rolls around. I resolve to continue being the best daughter, aunt, friend and sister that I can be. I resolve to be honest but not hurtful, kind but not a doormat, nd smart but no more of a smartass than usual.

I resolve to give my best effort to the people and things around me and in my life, but to admit it when I know my best effort may not be enough. I resolve to volunteer some of my time with causes that matter to me (as I did in 2012 when I canvassed with Marylanders for Marriage Equality). And I resolve to speak with authority only on subjects with which I have more than a passing acquaintance.

I won't end the new year speaking Japanese or playing guitar. I won't learn to skydive and I probably won't lose weight. It's also highly unlikely that I'll have another motorcycle anytime in the near future, but that's okay.

I do hope to quit smoking (again, but for good this time), and there's a possibility that I might actually read Tolkien with the eyes and mind of an adult, if I have the time. I'll absolutely have new stories finished and hopefully published, as well, and that's still amazing to me.

So maybe I'm being lazy, and maybe I'm just not motivated enough to accomplish all the things I've tried to in the past. Or maybe my simple resolutions as listed above will let me end 2013 feeling as though I haven't let myself down. That's the goal, anyway.

So how about you guys? Any resolutions you care to share? :)

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