Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Ask Andrew - Wait Time Before Sex

Dear Andrew

I may be old fashioned, but I believe a person should get to know one another before they have sex.  How do you determine the length of time it takes for your characters to know each other well enough to have first time sex?

Tammy R

Dear Tammy R

This is a good question and the simple answer is that the characters determine it.  I know that sounds like a little bit of a cop out, so I'll try to explain.  There isn't a set amount of time because I don't have a formula for writing my stories.  Each set of characters tells their own story.  Therefore the amount of time before having first time sex can vary based upon a number of circumstances.    If one of my characters is shy and very reserved, then first time sex is most likely going to happen later in the story and it may take the form of initial explorations rather than full on anal sex and they build up to that.

Now, if I have a character like Dante from A Wild Ride who is an adrenaline junky, then the time for
first time sex could be much less.  It really all depends on the characters and the story I'm trying to tell.  I may have a shy character who rushes into sex and that causes a number of issues that have to be resolved to advance the story.  There are a number of variables by and large its the characters themselves that determine how long they wait before having sex. 

It is my belief that sex should not be added to a story just to spice it up.  It should fit within the story and advance the plot, be part of character development, or advance the relationship between the characters.  Sex can also be part of the conflict, but it needs to fit within the story.  In short, I agree that when two people get to know each other, the sex is hotter and much more romantic.  But that's just my opinion. 

Hugs and Love

Ask Andrew is your chance to ask questions of a gay romance author.  The questions can be about the writing process in general, writing sex scenes, gay men, sex, characters in romance, characters having sex... okay you probably get the picture.    I promise to answer your questions as frankly and with as much humor as I possibly can.

So if you have a question, please send it to  This is different from my usual email so your questions don't get lost.  I will answer one question a week.

Please remember this is meant to be all in fun.  (I was going to say good, clean fun, but who wants that.)    So send me your questions and let's see what mischief we can get into.

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  1. Totally agree....I love how you let the characters tell their own stories!!! It keeps each story so unique and never boring or the same!! <3

    Alisa (Lee)

  2. great post, and tho I might understand because I'm a writer, I have always question when to put sex into a story, only it never really matters as the character get into bed, or shy away from it as the story go on, and all you get is a messy sloppy unsatisfying fuck if you push them.

    and now I'm just talking about myself. thanks for this post.

  3. I so agree with you. People think I'm crazy but I don't read porn stories as my children call them for the sex I read them for the love story that develops and if there's sex that's just a bonus and if there's not that's ok to. I'm not picky I just love a good love story be it m/m or m/f but m/m are my favorites. ❤️