Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Ask Andrew - Preparation Revisited

Dear Andrew

Maybe I have lead a sheltered life, but don't guys usually douche before it and is that a given, or do guys have it and just get all dirty? I was mortified twice when I was the bottom and just had crap everywhere. Is it just me being paranoid or what?  I'm really curious for a 63 year old man who hasn't had anal sex in a good 10 years and really miss it. (Toys just aren't the same)

Dear Larry

First I have to begin by saying that you're right, toys just aren't the same as having a real person connected and a part of you.  Sex is more than the mechanics and great sex is worlds more. 

With that said, I better get down to the main portion of your question.  Sex is messy and anal sex is messier for a number of reasons including the one you mention in your question.  That part of things is rarely mentioned in romance novels for a number of reasons as you can imagine.  Hence cleanup is important.  Now there is no need to be mortified or embarrassed about a little messiness.  Yes it may be unpleasant to think about, but its natural and its going to happen.  What's more important is the closeness and intimacy you have with your partner. 

Yes, if you would prefer to reduce the chance for extra messiness during anal sex, then douching is an option.  But that required extra preparation and forethought.  Spontaneity has gone way out the window by this point.  My experience has been that using enough lube keeps things slippery enough that messiness is minimized to a good degree.  When practicing safe sex, then ensure the condom is well lubricated, that also helps.   And if things do get a little messy then make showering together a part of your time with your partner.  It adds intimacy and closeness and is a great way to spend that time together when its just the two of you.

Hugs and Love

Ask Andrew is your chance to ask questions of a gay romance author.  The questions can be about the writing process in general, writing sex scenes, gay men, sex, characters in romance, characters having sex... okay you probably get the picture.    I promise to answer your questions as frankly and with as much humor as I possibly can.

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  1. You give such honest and excellent answers, Andrew.

  2. I know that I actually mentioned poop in my series about porn stars--because when you watch the porn, that part is edited out. The models themselves talk about it honestly-- they're like, "Hey, we're human, and it happens!" It's part of being human-- but it doesn't always show up in film or literature. Like Andrew said, that's no reason to let it wreck the moment though.

  3. Andrew I would love to see the issue of "messy" dealt with in an honest and constructive way in one of your books. This is of concern to all. Including heterosexual couples. And it's one of those hurdles that needs to be cleared with respect and love. Pam