Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Ask Andrew - Wet or Dry

Dear Andrew

Why do books have dry condoms or only spit for anal sex? My own experience, though limited, does not make this seem like a good idea. Does more experience make that much of a difference?

Thank you,

Dear Amie

I think I need to begin this answer by saying that the sex that's written in fiction is idealized and is not meant to be taken as a how to manual.  When writing, certain things get repetitive... one finger... check, two fingers... check,  roll on condom... check, lube... check.  And then the most intense and mind blowing sex of the characters lives... check.  Well let's keep the mind blowing sex part, but the rest can get a little dull, so authors try to mix things up or simply skip over some things in an attempt to maintain the emotional intensity. 

Spit has been used to 'ease the way' probably since prehistoric times.  Now I'm not saying that a little spit is going to make anal penetration easier, but a well wetted and slicked cock will make insertion easier.  (Just use your vivid imaginations as to how that can happen.  Oral sex is a wonderful thing.  **grin**)   

As for dry condoms, I have no experience with those and I have to say I love Dominic way too much to ever have used a dry condom.  Being entered dry can be painful, sometimes very painful, and can carry connotations of violence.  However, this has been used very effectively in BDSM stories or very intense sex scenes where the bottom wants or needs a jolt of pain.   As for experience, that can make a difference as can the frequency of anal intercourse. 

Hugs and love
Ask Andrew is your chance to ask questions of a gay romance author.  The questions can be about the writing process in general, writing sex scenes, gay men, sex, characters in romance, characters having sex... okay you probably get the picture.    I promise to answer your questions as frankly and with as much humor as I possibly can.

So if you have a question, please send it to  This is different from my usual email so your questions don't get lost.  I will answer one question a week.

Please remember this is meant to be all in fun.  (I was going to say good, clean fun, but who wants that.)    So send me your questions and let's see what mischief we can get into.

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  1. I'm glad you mentioned that fiction writing isn't a "how to" manual for sex just like porn, it is fantasy and not necessarily how it's done in real life. (Not that I'm an expert on anal sex by any stretch of the imagination).

    Romance novels in general are a fantasy and we don't always want or expect what we read to become reality.

    I love all of your books and look forward to your next ones.


  2. Thank you! I always cringe when I read something that I'm pretty sure is painful in the context that it's supposed to be fun. I have this urge to point and say "this is lube, this is your friend."

  3. I look forward to this every week and enjoy your insights. Thanks Andrew!