Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Ask Andrew - More Extreme Activities

Dear Andrew

I read a lot mm bdsm novels  and one subject I rarely meet in romance novels is 'fisting.' I really cannot imagine this without wincing and a whole lot of fear. I really want to know what you think about this especially from someone whose works don't touch bdsm.

Dear Johanna
I have to admit that I am not a practitioner of fisting and like you the thought makes me shudder.     The insertion an entire fist into my body is not going to happen.  However, I have to say that I have seen fisting done on screen and I can understand why it isn't done very often in romance novels, BDSM or not.  That isn't to say that it can't be done well because I know it has.  First thing fisting is not necessarily a BDSM activity.  It is a very extreme sexual practice.  It requires a great deal of preparation, trust, and let's face it... talent.   It also isn't spontaneous and tends to be messy, rubber sheets kind of messy. 
At this point I think I had better add a few cautions.  I'm going to sound like a drug commercial for a second so please bear with me.  This should not be attempted by the inexperienced.  Protection in the form of gloves and gallons of lube as well as a lot of preparation must be used and performed.  Also I need to stress that this activity can be dangerous.  I really don't want to go into the details, but if you are truly interested, the internet is a wonderful thing. 
Many years ago I had a friend who was into extreme sexual practices, including fisting.  He swore it was an almost ethereal experience for him and that he felt incredibly close and intimate with his partner at those times.  As I said earlier, this requires trust, a great deal of it and they had that in their relationship.   As for what I think of it.  Fisting isn't for me, but I firmly believe that everyone is different and has different likes.  As long as they are safe and understand the risks, then whatever floats your boat!  I want to add that if you are deciding to delve into this area, please talk to experienced people before hand and play safe!
Hugs and Love
Ask Andrew is your chance to ask questions of a gay romance author.  The questions can be about the writing process in general, writing sex scenes, gay men, sex, characters in romance, characters having sex... okay you probably get the picture.    I promise to answer your questions as frankly and with as much humor as I possibly can.

So if you have a question, please send it to  This is different from my usual email so your questions don't get lost.  I will answer one question a week.

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  1. Well said. Whether we are talking about males or females, I would add that a trip to the doc to see whether there might be any negative physical/muscular issue for the recipient should be considered, That's not an area where permanent damage is to be taken lightly.

    The last sentence made me smile when you used the words "before hand". I wonder whether the words "before fist" might have been even more on target. Hahaha!

  2. Great answer, Andrew :c) though I have to disagree with the questioner, you have a BDSM story... with a sexy rodeo cowboy ;)
    I love this series and can't wait for your answers every week <3

  3. Excellent answer Andrew! Having worked for a General Surgeon ... PLEASE find out WHAT CAN GO WRONG! This is a serious area that ... If things go wrong ... sepsis & death can happen. You need a serious practitioner who knows what they are doing! Please take care!

  4. Thank you, Andrew! This is such a great post but honestly, it just made me cringe even more - "rubber sheets kind of messy" - freaking out at that line LOL