Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Ask Andrew - Talking About Sex

Dear Andrew

I was wondering if you think that gay men are more open to discussing their sexual preferences than heterosexual men. Or even that gay men are more open about sex, discussing it and trying out different things then hetero men.
Maybe it's me and where I grew up, but for me it was always easier to discuss sex life and the likes with my gay friends than with a date, because I knew I wouldn't be judged by my gay friends.
So whats your opinion on that?


Dear Christine

Guys in general like to talk about sex and alot of the time they will talk about it with anyone who is willing to listen, especially if they have a story that makes them look really, really good.  As in stud of the year.  However, I do want to clarify something.  The audience of who you are willing to discuss sex with has one simple rule, don't talk sex with people you're interested in having sex with.  Its my opinion that heterosexual guys generally talk about sex with other guys.  Most straight guys aren't going to have a discussion of their sexual preferences with a date or another woman.  They'd rather be kicked in the nuts.  I mean what if they do and they say something that turn her off or let loose some little quirk way too early?  That's where you, as a woman, are more likely to have a sex discussion with a gay friend.  There is no sexual tension between you.

Now as for gay men.  I tend to think that we're a little more open in general about sex that straight men.  But there's a reason for that.  Gay men have had to figure out who they are sexually.  Since we're not straight and are different than most people, we had to figure some things out.  That journey brings with it some level of self understanding.  But just like the straight guys, we are more likely to talk about sex with our girlfriends than we are a date because there is no sexual tension.  Its always easier to talk sex with someone you aren't going to have sex with.

So here's the rule, keep those gay friends and keep talking to them.  The benefits go both ways.  And if you find a straight man who is willing to talk frankly and openly about sex, without that look in his eyes that says he's about to turn caveman at that very moment, hold onto him because he's a keeper. Once the discussion's over however, let the tiger loose and have fun.

Hugs and Love

Ask Andrew is your chance to ask questions of a gay romance author.  The questions can be about the writing process in general, writing sex scenes, gay men, sex, characters in romance, characters having sex... okay you probably get the picture.    I promise to answer your questions as frankly and with as much humor as I possibly can.

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  1. Very interesting thought, a not her example would be girls night out and discussing sex with your girlfriends. Thank you for the insight.

  2. Very interesting thought, a not her example would be girls night out and discussing sex with your girlfriends. Thank you for the insight.

  3. I also think gay men are more open to talk about sex because there is an inherent need to discuss your preferences and limits in sex, hetero sex has much less variations and negotiations, penetration is almost a given, and there is less thought and education in how to pleasure a partner. Just coming out implies a level of introspection and self awareness that also implies an analysis of what you like in bed.