Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Something Unusual for Me - Andrew Grey

Yesterday while I was on Facebook, Dreamspinner added a post about Eyes Only for Me and someone posted that the story looks as thought it will be different from my other work.  She went on to say that I'd never written 'Gay for You' or 'Our for You' stories and she would be right.  Those are themes I have stayed away from.  I find those themes difficult to deal with and I thought I'd take a moment to explain why.

The coming out process for me was very difficult.  Of course it was another time and under different circumstances than today.  My company was conservative and I could lose my job, I had no idea how my family would react, and it took a while for me to make the journey where I could accept who I was.  I think the last part was the hardest.  For me coming out was a journey form not liking who I was, to accepting and finally embracing myself.  It took many years, a lot of angst, as well as dear friends who helped show the way.  (Barb and Dottie are both gone now, but they live on with a special place in my heart.) 

Anyway, the concept of gay for you is very difficult for me to understand.  I understand that the concept can seem romantic, but in a way it seems to throw mud in the face of the journey of self discovery that I had to make.  See I have to be honest.  I would not choose to be gay if I had the choice to make.  I'd want to be like everyone else and not suffer discrimination and have to fight for every civil right everyone else gets or worry that I could be targeted just by walking down the street.  Just to be clear if I had the choice to make, I'd also choose to look like Eric Bana in Troy.  Tall, dark, and stunning. :)    Why not go for it all?  Right?  But we don't get to pick and choose and we all learn to accept who we are.

Hence the concept of Gay for You rubs me the wrong way.  I much prefer the concept of Out for You or in the case of Eyes Only for Me, Ronnie learns to discover and embrace the fact that he's attracted to both men and women.  (Bi For You)  :)   So to answer my original question, this is my first story of this type and I chose it because the character and situation were right for me to work with. They had to fit with my beliefs.  Writing Eyes Only for Me was a growth experience for me as a writer and as a person.  I can see where I will write more stories like this so I can do additional exploration. 

Reserve an advance copy if you like:

This week I did not have a question to answer.  Please send  your questions and Ask Andrew will return.   Ask Andrew is your chance to ask questions of a gay romance author.  The questions can be about the writing process in general, writing sex scenes, gay men, sex, characters in romance, characters having sex... okay you probably get the picture.    I promise to answer your questions as frankly and with as much humor as I possibly can.

So if you have a question, please send it to  This is different from my usual email so your questions don't get lost.  I will answer one question a week.

Please remember this is meant to be all in fun.  (I was going to say good, clean fun, but who wants that.)    So send me your questions and let's see what mischief we can get into.

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  1. As a reader, I will admit I have never understood GFY. Coming out of the closet, even a mental one, yes. Out/bi for you, yes. But not GFY. So I am glad that isn't the path you are taking. I do love stories of self-discovery and character growth, and am looking forward to reading this one. Thanks for sharing your story.

  2. Every person's honest road to self discovery & acceptance is different. I think most people don't stop & self examine themselves. It's too easy to just keep living your "known" life and not examining yourself. I'm glad your exploring different themes. It is exciting for your readers too. Thank you for your bravery in trying new ways to write new themes.Love your stories & Dirk Greyson's too!! Love from Alaska

  3. Even as a younger gay man, who has been blessed with far lower levels of discrimination, I too completely get what you're saying about "if I had a choice".
    I also find the gay-for-you concept a bit dangerous; it can come across as reinforcing the "choice" of sexuality.
    It's also dangerous for me because, honestly, it's my favorite fantasy. Which is great in reading, but dangerous if taken out of the fantasy realm and into my life. How many straight friends have I had massive crushes on? Too many. To believe that a straight friend could go gay for me, is to live in torture and risk taking actions that would destroy a cherished friendship.

    That being said, I still love to fantasize about it, haha. So...yeah, I'll probably love this story. Just have to remember what it is - a story.

  4. I don't believe in the gay for you either. I do believe in soul searching though. If I mesh well with someone I don't care what the package looks like. Well within reason. No one 19 or younger. Male, Female, doesn't make a difference. Even though I am not a gay man I can understand about if you could choose, you wouldn't be gay. I have seen and tried to help so many of my friends survive being gay. Good post Andrew.

  5. First I'd like to say thank you to the world at large that you came to love and embrace the wonderfulness that is you. I'm sure Dominic and all your family, friends and readers agree. As to GFY/BFY there are real life cases in at least the lesbian community (lovers of Melissa Ethridge, Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres among them. Sometimes the mind and heart can open. But I agree with Derrik that it is mostly a fantasy and dangerous in real life but that romance is fiction. I applaud your explorations as I always do.

  6. Thank you so very much for your comments. I'm so glad you liked my post. Sending you all big hugs.

  7. Lovely post Mr. Grey. I am a heterosexual female so maybe I can't fully understand the concept of GFY, but I've always believed if you're opened minded, that it's possible to fall in love with someone of a sex you've never before been attracted to, just because that person is so wonderful. I do think it's rare, but still possible. Thx for all your great books. ,😃

  8. Dear Andrew, I have a question not related to this post, I hope you can answer it anyway :-)

    I just finished "Love means endurance", and I read somewhere that this is the last book in the Farm series. But the whole Raine and Jonah-thing feel so unfinished. They have problems and in the end they "seem to have worked things out".

    But....but... How? What happened? How did they work things out? I need to know! Is there any chance there will be a "Farm-short 8,5" where you explore this? Or will I just spend the rest of my life miserably wondering? :-)

    That being said, I really liked the book and I will miss all the Farm-guys.

    Have a nice day! :-)